Red Skelton Quotes

It Proves What They Say, Give The Public What They Want To See And They'll Come Out For It.

Mom Used To Say I Didn't Run Away From Home My Destiny Just Caught Up With Me At An Early Age.

Exercise? I Get It On The Golf Course. When I See My Friends Collapse, I Run For The Paramedics.

I Consider The Television Set As The American Fireplace, Around Which The Whole Family Will Gather.

I Left Home Because I Was Hungry.

I Only Come To Life When There Are People Watching.

Wouldn't It Be A Pity If Someone Said That Is A Prayer And That Would Be Eliminated From Schools, Too?

When Anyone Hurts Us, My Wife And I Sit In Our Japanese Sand Garden And Drink Iced Tea. There Are Five Stone In The Garden - For Sky, Wind, Fire, Water, And Earth. We Sit And Think Of Five Of The Nicest Things We Can About The Person Who Hurt Us. If He Hurts Us A Second Time, We Do The Same Thing. The Third Time, We Light A Candle, And He Is, For Us, Dead.

You Know How To Tell When You're Getting Old? When Your Broad Mind Changes Places With Your Narrow Waist.

I'm Nuts And I Know It. But So Long As I Make 'em Laugh, They Ain't Going To Lock Me Up.

Laughter Has Always Brought Me Out Of Unhappy Situations.

I Have A Sixth Sense, But Not The Other Five. If I Wasn't Making Money, They'd Put Me Away.