I Left Home Because I Was Hungry.

People Think I Am Dead Because They Haven’t Seen Me Around For Awhile. I’m Not Dead, I’m Very Much Alive, As You Can See. Although, There Are Two Things I Do Before I Get Up Every Morning. I Look Around And If I Don’t Smell Flowers Or See Candles Flickering I Go Ahead And Get Up.

We Also Sleep In Separate Beds. Hers Is In California And Mine Is In Texas

There Are Three Signs Of Old Age: Loss Of Memory ... I Forget The Other Two.

Today's Comics Use Four-letter Words As A Shortcut To Thinking. They're Shooting For That Big Laugh And It Becomes A Panic Thing, Using Four-letter Words To Shock People.

When Anyone Hurts Us, My Wife And I Sit In Our Japanese Sand Garden And Drink Iced Tea. There Are Five Stone In The Garden - For Sky, Wind, Fire, Water, And Earth. We Sit And Think Of Five Of The Nicest Things We Can About The Person Who Hurt Us. If He Hurts Us A Second Time, We Do The Same Thing. The Third Time, We Light A Candle, And He Is, For Us, Dead.