Mom Used To Say I Didn't Run

You Know, Last Night It Was So Cold That My Pillow And My Sheets Fought To See Who Got Under The Blankets First.

Exercise? I Get It On The Golf Course. When I See My Friends Collapse, I Run For The Paramedics.

I'd Have Avoided Some Of The Pain If I Could. Anyone Would. But I Wouldn't Have Missed Knowing Any Of The People-even The Ones Whose Leaving Hurt Most. In Fact, The Only Thing I'm Sorry About Is That I Didn't Meet One Particular Guy, A Clown Named Joe Skelton. You Know, He Sure Picked The Right Profession. I Mean, A Clown's Got It All. He Never Has To Hold Back: He Can Do As He Pleases. The Mouth And The Eyes Are Painted On. So If You Wanta Cry, You Can Go Right Ahead. The Make Up Won't Smear. You'll Still Be Smiling. . . .

I Consider The Television Set As The American Fireplace, Around Which The Whole Family Will Gather.

Today's Comics Use Four-letter Words As A Shortcut To Thinking. They're Shooting For That Big Laugh And It Becomes A Panic Thing, Using Four-letter Words To Shock People.