Phyllis Diller Quotes

Phyllis Diller Quotes: A Curated Collection of the Best Inspirational, Motivational, and Thought-Provoking Sayings Written by Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller
Total Quotes 215
Some Wives Have Model Husbands, I Got One That Needed Remodeling.
Husband
Wife
Remodeling
Once Fang Took Pep Pills And They Worked - The Only Time He Ever Ran To Bed.
Funny
Sloth
Pills
Choose A Checked Or Striped Wall Paper. People Will Be Halfway Home Before They Are Able To Focus.
Wall
Home
People
Comedy Is Tragedy Revisited Or Hostility. It Is Mock Hostility, Of Course, Or It Would Be Ugly; We Would Have A War.
War
Tragedy
Would Be
The Only Parts Left Of My Original Body Are My Elbows.
Inspirational
Complaining
Elbows
I Remember Once A Vocational Director Said To Fang, "you Must Develop Some Mechanical Skills - Like Getting Out Of Bed."
Funny
Skills
Sloth
When I Go To Bed At Night, I've Got So Much Grease On My Body I Wear Snow Chains To Hold Up My Gown.
Night
Snow
Grease
I Became A Stand-up Comedienne Because I Had A Sit-down Husband.
Husband
It's A Certain Kind Of Immortality, Because Those Disney Films Do Go On And On And On.
Goes On
Kind
Film
Just The Other Day I Said To Fang, "don't You Think We've Got A Storybook Romance?" And He Said, "yes, And Every Page Is Ripped.
Thinking
Romance
Pages
My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face Looked Like A Bouquet Of Elbows.
Elbows
Bouquets
Faces
It's An Ill Will That Blows When You Leave The Hairdresser.
Inspirational
Blow
Ill Will
  • Born: July 17, 1917
  • Died: August 20, 2012
  • Occupation: Comedienne
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