My Plastic Surgeon ... Said My Face

A Passport Picture Is A Photo Of A Man That He Can Laugh At Without Realizing That It Looks Exactly The Way His Friends See Him.

Christmas Is A Time When Everybody Wants His Past Forgotten And His Present Remembered.

My House Used To Be Haunted, But The Ghosts Haven't Been Back Since The Night I Tried On All My Wigs.

My Mother-in-law Buys Her Coats In A Carper Shop. She Wears A 9x12.

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.