List of Paula Poundstone Quotes

I Only Do Two Things In My Life, And That's Take Care Of My Kids And Work. Fortunately, These Are My Favorite Things To Do, So It Works Out.

The Pleasure Of The Mulch Pile Is Incomprehensible. I Wouldn't Care If They Just Hauled The Mulch To The Landfill Somewhere. Obviously, Grass Clippings Are Biodegradable, But When They're Bunched Together At The Landfill, They Become Badly Influenced By Other Garbage.

I Was The Youngest In My Family. When The Other Kids Went To School, My Mother Would Make Them Breakfast And Then She Would Go Back To Bed For An Hour, So I Was Sort Of Babysat By Television.

I Get The First Flight Out From Anywhere I Am Because I Have To Come Home To My Kids.

I Have A Horrible Memory And I Used To Consider That A Liability, But I've Learned Along The Way That Talking To People Is Really A Beautiful Thing.

I Mean, I Do Love Clever And Witty, But I Think That The 'three Stooges' Were Geniuses. They'd Have To Be For Their Appeal To Have Lasted This Long.

I Used To Watch 'the Waltons' And Sob Because My Family Was Nothing Like That. We Had A Cruel Sense Of Humor In My Family.

My Act Is Sort Of Improvisational. I Have A Skeleton In My Head, But No Fat Or Skin On It.

I Also Like A Great Caesar Salad With Anchovies, Although I Don't Know Why Some Places Say 'with Anchovies.' If You're Making A Proper Caesar Salad, It's Going To Have Anchovies.

I Did Auditions At A Club Called The Comedy Connection. They Wanted Nothing To Do With Me. But One Night They Were Doing A Night Of All Women Comics, And They Invited Me To Do That.

I Have Jokes I've Told Before And Will Tell Again, But My Favorite Part Of The Night Is Talking To The Crowd.

I Can Make Things, But I Don't Cook Them, Exactly. Like Salmon, I Can Stick That In A Pan. Or The Other Day I Made Noodles, But They Were Hard. It Never Occurred To Me To Check Them; I Just Stopped Cooking Them When I Felt They Were Ready. Really, I'm Too Absentminded.