I Also Like A Great Caesar Salad

I Confess That When I First Read That Smog Is Particularly Hazardous To Children, Senior Citizens, And Physically Active People, For A Brief Moment I Thought, “i’m In The Clear For At Least 10 More Years.”

I Was Born In Alabama, But I Only Lived There For A Month Before I'd Done Everything There Was To Do.

My Mom Said She Learned How To Swim When Someone Took Her Out In The Lake And Threw Her Off The Boat. I Said, 'mom, They Weren't Trying To Teach You How To Swim.'

It Is My Wish To Die Of Unique Causes, Perhaps In A High-speed Tricycle Crash, A Bizarre Stapling Incient, Or As A Result Of Inadvertently Sucking My Brains Out Through My Ear While Trying To Untwist The Vacuum Hose.

I Was One Of The First People To Almost Actually Vomit Over Hearing The Use Of The Phrase "family Values" And I Pride Myself On Never Having Fallen For The Idea That Barbara Bush Was Sweet And Grandmotherly. I Met Barbara Bush And, As I Expected, She Was A Tank With Eyes, Not A Nice Person At All And Why Should That Blow Anybody Away?