I Have Jokes I've Told Before And

When Every High School Graduate Can Spell The Word, 'inauguration,' Let's Put Lampshades On Our Heads And Listen To His Speeches Until Obama's Voice Gives Out.

I Have Short-term Memory Loss, Though I'd Like To Think Of It As Persidential Eligibility.

My Act Is Sort Of Improvisational. I Have A Skeleton In My Head, But No Fat Or Skin On It.

I Get The First Flight Out From Anywhere I Am Because I Have To Come Home To My Kids.

My Mom Is One Of Those Really Angry Moms Who Gets Mad At Absolutely Everything. Once When I Was A Little Kid, I Accidentally Knocked A Flintstones Glass Off The Kitchen Table. She Said, 'well, Dammit, We Can't Have Nice Things.'