You Can Lead A Man To Congress,

I'd Rather Be A Could-be If I Cannot Be An Are; Because A Could-be Is A Maybe Who Is Reaching For A Star. I'd Rather Be A Has-been Than A Might-have-been, By Far; For A Might Have-been Has Never Been, But A Has Was Once An Are.

Do You Want To Feel Insecure? Count The Number Of Christmas Cards You Sent Out, And Then Count Those You Received.

You're Aging When Your Actions Creak Louder Than Your Words.

I Bought A Christmas Tree For Twenty Dollars. When I Came Home The Next Day, My Wife Was Wearing It In Her Hair.

A Young Man Fills Out An Application For A Job And Does Well Until He Gets To The Last Question, "who Should We Notify In Case Of An Accident?" He Mulls It Over And Then Writes, "anybody In Sight!"