People Always Come Up To Me And

In Addition To Comedy, I'm A Writer. I Write Checks. They're Not Very Good.

I'm Going To Get Married Again Because I'm More Mature Now, And I Need Some Kitchen Stuff.

I Don't Think I Was Funny Until College. I Lived With Some Harvard Md/phd Students - They Were So Smart, And What I Contributed To The House Was, I Was The Funny One.

I Took An Acting Class. After The First Day, The Teacher Quit, So They Said Take Another. When I Saw 'how To Be A Stand-up Comedian,' It Resonated. I Realized I'd Rather Make 200 People Laugh Than Make One Person Cry.

My Mom Was A Ventriloquist And She Always Was Throwing Her Voice. For Ten Years I Thought The Dog Was Telling Me To Kill My Father.