I Just Got My First Bikini. It's

The Only Way To Really Have Safe Sex Is To Abstain. From Drinking.

I Don't Like To Channel Surf. You Guys Like It, Don't You. You Guys Like To Change The Channel. We Like To Change You.

My Mom Was A Ventriloquist And She Always Was Throwing Her Voice. For Ten Years I Thought The Dog Was Telling Me To Kill My Father.

I Think There Have Always Been Funny Women, From Carol Burnett To Joan Rivers. When The Audience Sees A Woman, They Innately Know She's Worked Twice As Hard To Get There, She's Had To Prove That She Can Be The Leader, First, And Then Be Funny On Top Of It. She Has To Emit A Confidence That She's In Control.

I Found Out Why Cats Drink Out Of The Toilet. My Mother Told Me It's Because The Water Is Cold In There. And I'm Like: How Did My Mother Know That?