If I Had That Kind Of Money,

It's Amazing How Many People You See On Tv. I Did My First Television Show A Month Ago, And The Next Day Five Million Television Sets Were Sold. The People Who Couldn't Sell Theirs Threw Them Away.

On One Hole, I Hit An Alligator So Hard, He's Now My Golf Bag.

I Can't Give Up Golf, I've Got Too Many Sweaters.

I've Always Been In The Right Place And Time. Of Course, I Steered Myself There.

Personally, I Never Drink On Oscar Nights, As It Interferes With My Suffering.