I'd Rather Have Two Girls At 21

There's No Such Thing As A Tough Child - If You Parboil Them First For Seven Hours, They Always Come Out Tender.

Alcoholic: Anybody Who Drinks More Than I Do.

I've Been Barbecued, Stewed, Screwed, Tattooed, And Fried By People Claiming To Be My Friends. The Human Race Has Gone Backward, Not Forward, Since The Days We Were Apes Swinging Through The Trees.

Never Work With Animals Or Children.

Ah, The Patter Of Little Feet Around The House. There's Nothing Like Having A Midget For A Butler.