I Don't Believe In This Business Of

I Was Born On The Kitchen Table. We Were So Poor My Mother Couldn't Afford To Have Me; The Lady Next Door Gave Birth To Me.

When You Come To Germany As A Jew You Have An Uneasy Feeling, But I've Always Felt Okay In Berlin.

Feeling Different, Feeling Alienated, Feeling Persecuted, Feeling That The Only Way To Deal With The World Is To Laugh - Because If You Don't Laugh You're Going To Cry And Never Stop Crying - That's Probably What's Responsible For The Jews Having Developed Such A Great Sense Of Humor. The People Who Had The Greatest Reason To Weep, Learned More Than Anyone Else How To Laugh.

If Presidents Can't Do It To Their Wives, They Do It To Their Country.

Oh, I'm Not A True Genius. I'm A Near Genius. I Would Say I'm A Short Genius. I'd Rather Be Tall And Normal Than A Short Genius.