Cars And Women Are A Lot Alike.

Oh, I Was An Ugly Kid. My Old Man Took Me To The Zoo. They Thanked Him For Returning Me.

I Like To Date Schoolteachers. If You Do Something Wrong, They Make You Do It Over Again.

Sure I Smoked Pot In Hospital. My Wife Won't Let Me Toke At Home.

When I Was A Kid My Parents Moved A Lot, But I Always Found Them.

I Came From A Real Tough Neighborhood. Once A Guy Pulled A Knife On Me. I Knew He Wasn't A Professional, The Knife Had Butter On It.