I Like To Date Schoolteachers. If You

I Was An Ugly Child. I Got Lost On The Beach. I Asked A Cop If He Could Find My Parents. He Said, 'i Don't Know. There's Lots Of Places For Them To Hide'.

When I Was Born The Doctor Took One Look At My Face, Turned Me Over And Said, "look, Twins!"

My Wife Can't Cook At All. She Made Chocolate Mousse. An Antler Got Stuck In My Throat.

Don't Talk About Yourself So Much...we'll Do That When You Leave.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. My Mother Breast Fed Me Through A Straw.