Before I Met Her, I Drank And

The Odds Against There Being A Bomb On A Plane Are A Million To One, And Against Two Bombs A Million Times A Million To One. Next Time You Fly, Cut The Odds And Take A Bomb.

Before I Met Her, I Drank And Swore Without Reason... Now I Have A Reason.

I Thought I Couldn't Afford To Take Her Out And Smoke As Well. So I Gave Up Cigarettes. Then I Took Her Out And One Day I Looked At Her And Thought: 'oh Well,' And I Went Back To Smoking Again, And That Was Better.

Roses Are Reddish Violets Are Bluish If It Weren't For Christmas We'd All Be Jewish.

Girls Are Like Pianos. When They're Not Upright, They're Grand.