Girls Are Like Pianos. When They're Not

That's What Show Business Is, Sincere Insincerity.

Never Play Leapfrog With A Unicorn.

Those Hot Pants Of Hers Were So Damned Tight, I Could Hardly Breathe.

I Thought I Couldn't Afford To Take Her Out And Smoke As Well. So I Gave Up Cigarettes. Then I Took Her Out And One Day I Looked At Her And Thought: 'oh Well,' And I Went Back To Smoking Again, And That Was Better.

The Odds Against There Being A Bomb On A Plane Are A Million To One, And Against Two Bombs A Million Times A Million To One. Next Time You Fly, Cut The Odds And Take A Bomb.