You're Not Drunk If You Can Lie

You're Not Drunk If You Can Lie On The Floor Without Holding On.

The Reason I Drink Is Because When I'm Sober I Think I'm Eddie Fisher.

When The World Seems To Shine Like You've Had Too Much Wine, That's Amore.

There's A Statue Of Jimmy Stewart In The Hollywood Wax Museum, And The Statue Talks Better Than He Does.

If People Want To Think I Get Drunk And Stay Out All Night, Let'em. That's How I Got Here, You Know.