You're Not Drunk If You Can Lie

When Jerry Lewis And I Were Big, We Used To Go To Parties, And Everybody Thought I Was Big-headed And Stuck Up, And I Wasn't. It Was Because I Didn't Know How To Speak Good English, So I Used To Keep My Mouth Shut.

I Was So Drunk Last Night I Fell Down And Missed The Floor.

If People Want To Think I Get Drunk And Stay Out All Night, Let'em. That's How I Got Here, You Know.

There's A Statue Of Jimmy Stewart In The Hollywood Wax Museum, And The Statue Talks Better Than He Does.

Somewhere There's A Someone For Me. Though I May Be Lonely Now, I'll See It Through Somehow, To Somebody's Heart I Know I Hold The Key.