You Look Like You Deep Fry Your

I Try To Retire Jokes As Soon As I Can Once I Put Them On An Album. But I Can't Think Of Anything I Just Stopped Doing For No Reason.

You Know How Everybody Has That One Weird Creepy Uncle? Well, Seth Green Looks Like He Got Raped By All Of Them.

My Girlfriend Is Upset About Her New Haircut. I Don't Understand Why She's Crying. I'm The One Who Has To Get A New Girlfriend.

You Can't Expect Everyone To Laugh Or Applaud You For Doing Edgy Things. Sometimes You'll Miss. But I Think Comedians Are Artists And There's A Value In Failure. It Kind Of Works Both Ways Between Comedians And Audiences. The Audience Has To Understand That Comedians Are Going To Sometimes Tell A Joke That Doesn't Work Out With Dark Subjects, And The Comedian Has To Understand That Sometimes They 'll Fail And It's Not The Audience's Fault For Not Getting It Or Loving It.

I Think The Reason I Became Funny Was Because If I Made People Laugh, They Would Let Me Keep Talking.