You Look Like You Deep Fry Your

Child Molesters Must All Think They've Got Huge Dicks.

I Prefer To Sleep With Deaf Girls. Those Crazy Chicks Never Have A Safe Word.

People Say It's Easy To Make Fun Of Retarded People, But It's Not. You Really Have To Explain It To Them.

Every Night, My Girlfriend Comes Home From Work, And She Brings With Her A Houseplant. She's Like, 'anthony, I Had To Pick This Up. We Need A Houseplant In Our Apartment.' And Every Night, I Make Her Return It. I Say, 'no Way, Baby. You Can't Take Care Of A Houseplant. You Couldn't Even Keep Your Baby Alive.'

Disasters Are Funny To Me. As A Comedian You Learn From Failure, So I'm Always Trying To Put Myself In A Situation That Does Not Seem Ideal For My Comedy And See How It Works.