Sure, Retarded Jokes Write Themselves. But The

When I Die, I Want To Be Cremated With Everybody.

You Can't Expect Everyone To Laugh Or Applaud You For Doing Edgy Things. Sometimes You'll Miss. But I Think Comedians Are Artists And There's A Value In Failure. It Kind Of Works Both Ways Between Comedians And Audiences. The Audience Has To Understand That Comedians Are Going To Sometimes Tell A Joke That Doesn't Work Out With Dark Subjects, And The Comedian Has To Understand That Sometimes They 'll Fail And It's Not The Audience's Fault For Not Getting It Or Loving It.

Larry King Is So Old, He's Actually One Of The Jews That Killed Christ.

You Know How Everybody Has That One Weird Creepy Uncle? Well, Seth Green Looks Like He Got Raped By All Of Them.

My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Only Love Her For Her Body. I Said No, Baby. Just Parts Of It.