I Want To Get A Tattoo Of

I'm A Comedian And There Are A Lot Of Things I'm Still Learning. I Love One Liners Because I Love Smart Jokes. I Also Don't Like Complaining About Society Or Whining About My Life On Stage.

I Was Raised Catholic. I Rejected It Later On. I'm An Outspoken Atheist Now. People Say, 'oh, It's A Negative Thing To Be An Atheist.' I Don't Agree. I Think It's More Optimistic To Think That There Is No God, No Afterlife.

Disgusting. I Just Found My Grandpa's Viagra. I Swear, I Almost Puked From Eating So Many.

About A Month Ago Some Kids In My Neighborhood Were Playing Hide-and-go-seek And One Of Them Ended Up In An Abandoned Refrigerator. It's All Anybody Talked About For Weeks. I Said, 'who Cares? How Many Kids You Know Get To Die A Winner?

Donald, I'm Not Sure If You're Even Aware Of This, But The Only Difference Between You And Michael Douglas From The Movie, Wall Street, Is That No One's Going To Be Sad When You Get Cancer.