I Want To Get A Tattoo Of

An Offended Audience Member Repeating A Comedian's Act From Memory Is Worse Than, Literally, Anything.

I Can Drink Like A Fish, Or At Least, Someone Born With Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

Every Comic Went Through Their Mitch Hedberg Phase - The Glasses, The Hair In The Face - And You Knew Immediately When They Were Doing It.

The True Meaning Of Christmas Is Actually Centuries Of Gullibility.

Tom Cruise's Pre-nup Lets Him Keep His Money, The Kids And Katie Holmes.