You Could Be Married And Bored Or

Even If You Meet The Perfect Person, It Ain’t Gonna Be At The Perfect Time. You’re Married, They’re Single. That’s Right. You’re Jewish, They’re Palestinian. You’re A Mexican, They’re A Raccoon. You’re A Black Woman, He’s A Black Man.

I Mean No Disrespect To Anything I Did Before.

Stand-up Is The Only Career Like That Where Once You Get Really Big At It, People Kind Of Encourage You Not To Do It.

If A Woman Tells You She's Twenty And Looks Sixteen, She's Twelve. If She Tells You She's Twenty-six And Looks Twenty-six, She's Damn Near Fourty.

You Only Know That You're Smart Because You're Around Dumb People From Time To Time!