You Call This A Party? The Beer

He [groucho's Father] Had Absolutely No Training, And If You Had Ever Seen One Of His Suits, You'd Realize What An Accurate Statement That Is. You See, Pop Never Used A Tape Measure. He Didn't Believe In It. He Said He Could Just Look At A Man And Tell His Size, With The Result That Frequently He'd Make A Pair Of Pants With One Trouser Leg Seven Or Eight Inches Longer Than The Other.

Television Is Where You Watch People In Your Living Room That You Would Not Want Near Your House.

Ice Water? Get Some Onions - That'll Make Your Eyes Water!

I Can See You In The Kitchen Bending Over A Hot Stove, And I Can't See The Stove

If Women Dressed For Men, The Stores Wouldn't Sell Much - Just An Occasional Sun Visor.