You Are Going Uruguay, And I'm Going

Now That You're Secretary Of War, What Kind Of An Army Do You Think We Ought To Have?

Middle Age Is When You Go To Bed At Night And Hope You Feel Better In The Morning. Old Age Is When You Go To Bed At Night And Hope You Wake Up In The Morning.

A Cigar Makers Organization Once Said That I Was The Most Famous Cigar Smoker In The World. I Dont Know If Thats True, But Once While Visiting Havana, I Went To A Cigar Factory. There Were Four Hundred People There Rolling Cigars, And When They Saw Me, They All Stood Up And Applauded.

Given The Choice Between A Woman And A Cigar, I Will Always Choose The Cigar.

I Wish To Be Cremated. One Tenth Of My Ashes Shall Be Given To My Agent, As Written In Our Contract.