Women Liked Me Because I Made Them

It's Confusing. I've Had So Many Wives And So Many Children I Don't Know Which House To Go To First On Christmas.

I Hear Jerry Falwell Every Sunday Here Talking About The Devil And Hollywood. . . . I'm Gonna Write Him A Letter. Hollywood Wasn't Built On Filth And Dirt - It Was Built On Talent.

Had I Been Brighter, The Ladies Been Gentler, The Scotch Been Weaker, Had The Gods Been Kinder, Had The Dice Been Hotter, This Could Have Been A One-sentence Story: Once Upon A Time I Lived Happily Ever After.

Always Get Married In The Morning. That Way If It Doesn't Work Out, You Haven't Wasted The Whole Day.

My Marriage License Reads, 'to Whom It May Concern,'