When You Walk Up Five Flights Of

When I Was Forty, I Was Getting Divorced, Living In A Low-class, Dirty Hotel In New York. My Mother Was Dying Of Cancer. I Owed $20,000. That Was About The Lowest. I Came Back To Show Business, And I Couldn't Get A Job. I Was Turned Down By Every Small-time Agent In New York.

And My Girlfriend, She's Fat! How Fat? She's So Fat She Wears Two Watches-one For Each Time Zone!

We Learned Sexual Technique From Our Dog. He Taught How To Beg, And He Taught My Wife How To Roll Over And Play Dead.

I Once Went Out With This Wild Girl. She Made French Toast And Got Her Tongue Caught In The Toaster.

If I Could Have Dinner With Anyone Who Lived In History, It Would Depend On The Restaurant.