My Wife Has To Be The Worst

At My Age I'm Envious Of A Stiff Wind.

I Can't Figure Women Out. They Put On Makeup For Three Hours. They Wear Things That Make Them Smaller. Things That Make Them Bigger. Then They Meet A Man And They Want Truth.

It Would Be Great If People Never Got Angry At Someone For Doing Something They've Done Themselves.

I Knew A Girl So Ugly That She Was Known As A Two-bagger. That's When You Put A Bag Over Your Head In Case The Bag Over Her Head Breaks.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Had No Friends. I Remember The See-saw. I Had To Keep Runnin' From One End To The Other.