My Mother Used To Rock Me -

I Asked My Wife If She Would Put Out The Garbage. She Said Why Should I You Never Put Out For Me.

A Homeless Guy Came Up To Me On The Street, Said He Hadn't Eaten In Four Days. I Told Him, "man, I Wish I Had Your Willpower.

My Mother Never Breast Fed Me, She Told Me She Only Liked Me As A Friend.

My Parents Didn't Like Me. For Bathtub Toys They Gave Me A Blender And A Transistor Radio.

Last Time I Tried To Make Love To My Wife Nothing Happened, So I Said To Her, 'what's The Matter, You Can't Think Of Anybody Either?'