Whatever You Do, You're Going To Be

May You Have The Income Of A Republican And The Sex Life Of A Democrat!

I Was So Naive As A Kid I Used To Sneak Behind The Barn And Do Nothing.

I'm An Entertainer, Not A Commentator. If You're A Comedian Your Job Is To Make People Laugh.

Maybe We Should Hold The Next [olympic] Games In Afghanistan And Hope The Soviets Pull Out Of That One Too.

Mail Your Packages Early So The Post Office Can Lose Them In Time For Christmas.