Watching Soccer Just Makes Me Wish I

I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex Doll. Brand New.

My Great Grandmother Threw Herself In Front Of A Bus. The Police Tried To Say She Was Committed Suicide But The Family Knew She Was Just Trying To Stop Civil Rights.

I Killed A Squirrel Once With A Car. Twice With A Tennis Racket.

I'll Be Very Busy, Which Is All I Need.

This Past Christmas, I Told My Girlfriend For Months In Advance That All I Wanted Was An Xbox. That's It. Beginning And End Of List, Xbox. You Know What She Got Me? A Homemade Frame With A Picture Of Us From Our First Date Together. Which Was Fine. Because I Got Her An Xbox.