Watching Soccer Just Makes Me Wish I

I Can't Talk Politics With My Cousin Because He's Such A Hypocrite. He's Against The Death Penalty And He Hanged Himself.

My Great Grandmother Threw Herself In Front Of A Bus. The Police Tried To Say She Was Committed Suicide But The Family Knew She Was Just Trying To Stop Civil Rights.

I Like The Idea Of Being The Funny Guy In The Dramatic Thing, Playing A Hit Man With A Weird Sense Of Humor.

What Do They Call That Hat Jewish Guys Always Wear? A Yankees Cap.

I Try To Write Three Jokes Every Morning, Although I Don't Know What They Are. I Write Them As Fast As I Can, Then I Put Them Away For A Month. So I Couldn't Even Tell You What They Are, Or If They're Good. I Just Assume They Weren't.