I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex

Whenever I Meet A Pretty Girl, The First Thing I Look For Is Intelligence; Because If She Doesn't Have That, Then She’s Mine.

I Want To Get A Tattoo Of The Word Irony, Only Misspelled.

I'm Really Proud Of The Album. It's Something I Always Wanted To Do But I Had To Wait Until I Was Ready. Shakespeare Is A Culmination Of Eight Years Of Stand Up Experience And Joke Writing. I Recorded Two Shows At The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre In New York. The Crowds Were Great And That's What Really Makes An Album.

I Can Stand By A Tweet. But Comedy Central Said They Couldn't Publicly Support Me, Unless I Deleted It. I Wasn't About To Tell The People Who Work For Me That They Didn't Have Jobs Anymore Because I Wasn't Going To Delete A Stupid Tweet.

I Like To Play Pranks On My Girlfriend, You Know, Keep Things Fresh For Me, Make Me Laugh, You Know? She Hates It. But Like, The Other Night, I Put Saran Wrap Over The Toilet Seat, You Know, Which Doesn't Sound That Original, But She's Bulimic.