I Have A Twelve Year Old Sex

I Want To Marry The Kind Of Girl That Walks Out Of An Abortion Clinic With A Lollipop.

I Was Always Fascinated By Forbidden Things People Didn't Want To Talk About, Like Death.

My Dad Was A Complicated Man. He Was A Huge Racist, My Dad, But He Still Tried To Be A Good Father, You Know? Like, He Would Tell Me That Santa Claus Was Black - That Way, When I Found Out He Didn't Exist, It Wouldn't Be That Big A Let Down.

I Have A Rare Form Of Body Dysmorphia In Which I Absolutely Can't Stand How Good I Look.

I Like To Read, But Otherwise I'm Just Your Average, Self-obsessed Comedian. It's Pretty Much All I Think About.