This Is Frank Carson, News At Ten,

What's The Difference Between A Rottweiler And A Poodle Peeing On Your Leg? You Let The Rottweiler Finish.

I Was In A Panto Last Year, Aladdin And The Wonderful Lamp. I Played The Wick. I Got The Sack Because I Was Too Well-oiled Every Night.

Men Only Go For Skinny Women Because They're Too Weak To Argue - And Salads Are Cheap.

The Council In Blackpool Have Given The Homeless Bus Passes, But How Would They Know Where To Get Off?

A Man Walked Into A Shop And Asked, "how Much Are Your Eggs?" He Said "£1.40 A Dozen". He Then Asked: "how Much Are Your Cracked Ones?" He Said: "35p". He Said: "crack Us Four Dozen."