I Come From A Family Of Musicians.

The Council In Blackpool Have Given The Homeless Bus Passes, But How Would They Know Where To Get Off?

I'm Not Really A Homosexual. I Just Help Them Out When They're Busy.

I Am Accusing Him Of Stealing My Best Material, He Was A Very Funny Man.

What's The Difference Between My Wife And A Terrorist? You Can Negotiate With A Terrorist.

I Just Want To Apologise For Being Late. I Was Flying Back From Spain And The Air Hostess Said: "we Are Two Hours Late Mr Carson." When I Asked Why, She Said: "the Pilot Has Heard A Funny Noise In The Engine That He Doesn't Like, So We Are Waiting On Another Pilot Who Can't Hear It."