These Greens Are So Fast I Have

Golf Course Architects Make Me Sick. They Can't Play Themselves, So They Rig The Courses So Nobody Else Can Play Either.

Keep Close Count Of Your Nickels And Dimes, Stay Away From Whiskey, And Never Concede A Putt.

I Hope I'll Never Get Too Old To Want To Take Part In This Event, And I Don't Think I Will Ever Age That Much.

What Did I Want With Prestige? The British Open Paid The Winner $600 In American Money. A Man Would Have To Be Two Hundred Years Old At That Rate To Retire From Golf.

Good Golfing Temperament Falls Between Taking It With A Grin Or Shrug And Throwing A Fit.