...the Elephant Smoked Too Much.

Many People Have Asked Me Why There Are Three Pedals In These Grand Pianos. Well The Pedal In The Middle Is There To Separate The Two Other Pedals.

When I Was A Little Boy And Played Liebestraum, My Father Used To Hit Me On The Head With A Newspaper Every Time I Slopped The Cadenza . . . I Hate Liebestraum.

What Is The Difference Between A Nazi And A Dog?the Nazi Lifts His Arm.

If I Have Caused Just One Person To Wipe Away A Tear Of Laughter, That's My Reward.

The Essence Of A General's Job Is To Assist In Developing A Clear Sense Of Purpose . To Keep The Junk From Getting In The Way Of Important Things.