I Learned To Play The Piano On

My Father Invented A Cure For Which There Was No Disease And Unfortunately My Mother Caught It And Died Of It.

(responding To A Sneeze From The Audience) Who Exploded?

One Afternoon, When I Was Four Years Old, My Father Came Home, And He Found Me In The Living Room In Front Of A Roaring Fire, Which Made Him Very Angry. Because We Didn't Have A Fireplace.

Many People Have Asked Me Why There Are Three Pedals In These Grand Pianos. Well The Pedal In The Middle Is There To Separate The Two Other Pedals.

The First Piano Was Built Long After They Didn't Have Any At All.