The Bigger The Audience, The Better With

I Don't Think It's Any Coincidence That I Lost My Religious Faith And 'manned Up' In The Same Year. I Was Described Somewhere As A Lapsed Catholic, Which Is Funny Because I'm Not Going Back! I Want To Achieve Things Rather Than Live Life In An Animalistic Way.

I Go Around The Country And Do A Simple Gag Like, 'the Property Ladder Is Now A Snake' And Get A Real Laugh.

I Was Out With A Friend And He Came Over With A Pair Of Girls. I Said To Him "they're Like Buses." He Said "what? Because You Wait For Ages And Then Two Come Along At Once." I Said "no, They Are Like Buses!"

I'm Not Worried About The Third World War. That's The Third World's Problem.

I Think They Got It Wrong With Saddam Hussein. They Thought He Had The A-bomb. Instead He Had A Bomb.