Policemen, Like Red Squirrels, Must Be Protected.

Reading Isn't An Occupation We Encourage Among Police Officers. We Try To Keep The Paperwork Down To A Minimum.

It's All Any Reasonable Child Can Expect If The Dad Is Present At The Conception.

People Think I Write Fantasy, But I Don't; Some Things May Be Exaggerated Or Distorted In The Same Way That Painters Distort And Alter Things, But They're Realistic Figures. They're Perfectly Recognisable.

On Our Way Home We Were Waiting For The Bus When A Very Fat, Pompous-looking Woman Reeled Out Of A Pub Shouting, "melancholia? Ad Nauseam."

The Oscar Wilde Of Welfare State Gentility.