Never Give A Sucker An Even Break.

The Movie People Would Have Nothing To Do With Me Until They Heard Me Speak In A Broadway Play, Then They All Wanted To Sign Me For The Silent Movies.

Comedy Is Merely Tragedy Happening To Someone Else.

A Merry Christmas To All My Friends Except Two.

It's A Funny Old World. A Man's Lucky If He Gets Out Of It Alive.

I Think Of The Church Often. Not Because Religion Was Closing In On Me, But Because For A Long Time My Ass Was Sore From That Hard, Unupholstered Pew.