A Merry Christmas To All My Friends

I Never Drink Water; That Is The Stuff That Rusts Pipes.

I Always Made Up My Own Acts; Built Them Out Of My Knowledge And Observation Of Real Life. I'd Had Wonderful Opportunities To Study People; And Every Time I Went Out On The Stage I Tried To Show The Audience Some Bit Of True Human Nature.

The Cost Of Living Has Gone Up Another Dollar A Quart.

Horse Sense Is The Thing A Horse Has Which Keeps It From Betting On People.

The Low-ceiling Price Bazaar For Sexual Relief Was A Street Called Middie Alley. You Could Barely Get A Pushcart Through This Avenue. Top Price-twenty-five Cents.