My Wife Can't Cook At All. She

I Was So Ugly My Mother Used To Feed Me With A Sling Shot.

I'm Not A Hypochondriac, But My Gynaecologist Firmly Believes I Am.

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Had No Friends. I Remember The See-saw. I Had To Keep Runnin' From One End To The Other.

When You Walk Up Five Flights Of Stairs At Four In The Morning, There's Definitely A Hooker Involved.

It Was The Same Thing In The Army, No Respect. They Gave Me A Uniform That Glowed In The Dark.