I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company

I Once Went Out With This Girl, She Was No Bargain Either, She Showed Up With Pigtails Under Her Arms.

What A Childhood I Had - I Was Ten Years Old When I Found Out Alpo Was Dog Food.

I Could Tell My Parents Hated Me. My Bath Toys Were A Toaster And A Radio.

My Cousin Is Gay, I Always Tell Him That In Our Family Tree, He's In The Fruit Section.

After I Got Divorced, I Said To Myself, I Will Never, Ever Get Married Again. It Was In Cement. I Went Through A Really Rough Twenty-five Years, But It Happened Again. I Fell In Love. I Told Her, Baby, I Don't Want A Prenuptial Agreement. This Is It. Everyone Told Me I Was Nuts. Well, My New Wife And I Are Married Six Years And We Get Along Great. You Can Make Anything Work If You're Both Givers.