I'm Getting So Old My Insurance Company

When I Was A Kid I Got No Respect. I Told My Mother, I'm Gonna Run Away From Home. She Said, On Your Mark.

After I Got Divorced, I Said To Myself, I Will Never, Ever Get Married Again. It Was In Cement. I Went Through A Really Rough Twenty-five Years, But It Happened Again. I Fell In Love. I Told Her, Baby, I Don't Want A Prenuptial Agreement. This Is It. Everyone Told Me I Was Nuts. Well, My New Wife And I Are Married Six Years And We Get Along Great. You Can Make Anything Work If You're Both Givers.

I Have Nothing But Troubles With My Car. Every Sunday I Take My Family Out For A Push.

When I Was Born I Brought No Joy, My Father Said He Wanted A Boy!

When We Got Married, The First Thing My Wife Did Was Put Everything Under Both Names - Hers And Her Mother's.