My Forte Is Awkwardness.

Yesterday, I Masturbated For 45 Minutes... With Salad Tongs.

I Dream Of Starting A Three-man Country Trio Called The Chixie Dicks.

My Headshot Is A Scratch And Sniff, It Smells Like Failure And Onions.

I Find Anger To Be Funny. I Find People That Are So Wrapped Up In Their Own Personalities To Be Funny, And Lost. Like Myself In Real Life.

When I Was In High School I Used To Sit By Myself In The Cafeteria - Not Necessarily By Choice - But I Thought It Was Funny To Talk To People That Weren't There.