My Career Has Been My Craziest Adventure.

Sex After One Child Shows Down. After Twins... Ooh... I'll Tell You What It Is For Us. I'll Share It With You. Every Three Months. We Don't Plan It That Way. That's Just How It Works Out. It's The Weirdest Thing. You Know What I Do? Every Time I Have Sex, The Next Day I Pay My Estimated Tax. My Quarterlies Are Due. If It's Oral Sex, I Renew My Driver's License.

My Wife Said To Me 'i Hope You Win... But If You Do And You Go Up And Say You Love Me, Don't Think It Makes Up For Never Saying It When We're Alone.

I Was At Home Waiting For Projects. I Was On Parenthood And There Was One Season Left, And I Was Thinking, "what's Next?" I'm At This Age Where I'm Trying To Write My Own Script, And They Sent This Over And I Decided To Put Myself On Tape.

I Married A Saint - Well, A Saint Who Curses.

Having Children Is Like Living In A Frat House - Nobody Sleeps, Everything's Broken, And There's A Lot Of Throwing Up.