Modesty Is My Best Quality.

Gags Die, Humor Doesn't.

As You May Or May Not Know, In Keeping With The High-class Tone Of Beverly Hills, Our Police Force Is Probably The Most Snobbish Group Of Gendarmes In The World. It Is Said That The Beverly Hills Police Department Is So Fancy That It Has An Unlisted Number.

I Practice Three Hours Daily On My Violin So I Won't Get Worse.

Hors D'oeuvre: A Ham Sandwich Cut Into Forty Pieces.

I Believe In Being Honest With Myself. If There's One Thing I Hate It's When A Comedian Is Great And Won't Admit It. I've Never Met One Like That, But If I Did, I'd Hate Them.