Modesty Is My Best Quality.

How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall? Practice. Practice. Practice.

My Wife Mary And I Have Been Married For Forty-seven Years And Not Once Have We Had An Argument Serious Enough To Consider Divorce; Murder, Yes, But Divorce, Never.

When Another Comedian Has A Lousy Show, I'm The First One To Admit It.

A Rich Man Is One Who Isn't Afraid To Ask The Salesperson To Show Him Something Cheaper.

I Took My Girl To Dinner, And She Laughed So Hard At One Of My Jokes That She Dropped Her Tray.