Jesse Joyce Is A Great Writer.

You See A Guy With One Leg, He's Got A Story. "land Mine '69." You See A Guy With One Arm, He's Got A Story, Too. "snow Blower, Bottle Of Whiskey." You See A Guy With One Tooth, What Would The Story Be? "well, Uh, I Like A Lot Of Taffy."

Aspirin Will Not Bring Dead Hookers Back To Life.

Everything You Do, Burns Calories. Getting Up In The Morning, 100 Calories; Kicking The Hooker Out Of Your Bed, Another 100; Diapering Your Monkey, 35 Calories; Laughing At A Midget, Fun And 10 Calories; Catching Your Girlfriend With Another Guy, 2000-3000 Calories, Depending On Backswings.

Being On The Road Is Kind Of Lonely.

Capital Punishment, That Thing Scares Me, It Really Does. I Was Talking To My Friend About The Electric Chair, And He Starts Freakin' Out. He's Like 'the Electric Chair? That's Too Good For These People. That's Too Good For Them'. Alright, How Do We Make The Electric Chair Worse? How About This? They Have To Pedal A Car Battery To Their Own Head. Is That Ok? Is That Enough, Mr. Hitler?