Jesse Joyce Is A Great Writer.

Sparklers Are The Gay Cousins Of The Fireworks Family.

Don't Get Me Wrong, I Like To Cuddle. But There Is Such A Fine Line Between Cuddling And Holding Someone Down So That They Can't Get Away.

When I First Saw A Strap On, I Put It On My Head And Ran Around Like A Rhino.

If You Take Off Your Pants And Her First Reaction Is, "awwww, Look At It...like A Little Baby Jesus." Time To Buy A Porsche.

Let's Say You're In A Situation Where Crystal Meth Can Help You. Like, I Don't Know, You Have Too Many Teeth.