Sparklers Are The Gay Cousins Of The

What's The Two Things They Tell You Are Healthiest To Eat? Chicken And Fish. You Know What You Should Do? Combine Them, Eat A Penguin.

Everything You Do, Burns Calories. Getting Up In The Morning, 100 Calories; Kicking The Hooker Out Of Your Bed, Another 100; Diapering Your Monkey, 35 Calories; Laughing At A Midget, Fun And 10 Calories; Catching Your Girlfriend With Another Guy, 2000-3000 Calories, Depending On Backswings.

I Watch The Discovery Channel, And You Know What I've Discovered? I Need A Girlfriend.

Every Dude In Here Has Had A Fantasy About Jessica Simpson. Here's Mine: Jessica, Hold Your Sister Ashlee So I Can Kick Her In The Throat.

The Voice In My Head Has A Stutter, And That's Really Annoying. D-d-d-dave Dave. What? K-k-k-kill Your P-p-p-parents. L-l-l-loa... Write It Down!