I've Had A Few Arguments With People,

My Wife Said To Me, "i Want To Be Cremated." I Said, "how About Tuesday?"

When I Do An Hour-and-a-half Show, If I Don't Improvise 20 Minutes Worth Of New Material Each Night, I Feel I've Let Myself Down.

Your Financial Cost Can Best Be Figured Out When You Realize That If You Were To Devote The Same Time And Energy To Business Instead Of Gold, You Would Be A Millionaire In Approximately Six Weeks.

Don't Carry A Grudge. While You're Carrying The Grudge, The Other Guys's Out There Dancing.

A Comedian Sees The World Bent. I'm Tangent To The Circle.