Once When I Was Golfing In Georgia,

I've Had A Few Arguments With People, But I Never Carry A Grudge. You Know Why? While You're Carrying A Grudge, They're Out Dancing.

Ninety-nine Percent Is In The Delivery. If You Have The Right Voice And The Right Delivery, You're Cocky Enough, And You Pound Down On The Punch Line, You Can Say Anything And Make People Laugh Maybe Three Times Before They Realize You're Not Telling Jokes.

Don't Carry A Grudge. While You're Carrying The Grudge, The Other Guys's Out There Dancing.

What Makes A Comedian Has Nothing To Do With Religion. Think Of Red Skelton, Jimmy Durante, Jackie Gleason, Who Were All Catholics.

My Wife Said To Me, "i Want To Be Cremated." I Said, "how About Tuesday?"